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My Harbor · Bandy Jacob Strawn

A year of becoming your own lighthouse.

A daily companion for the long season that doesn’t end on anyone else’s schedule. One small page at a time.

If you’ve been measuring yourself against the ordinary version of moving on and quietly failing the test — the measuring stick was wrong. This book is the one written for what you’re actually inside.

The book starts here. Read the first page.

Day 1 of 365Quarter IRecognition & Survival

Believing in yourself again

What I have experienced was real. My perception is true, and I am allowed to begin trusting it again.

Have you spent years quietly questioning your perception of your own life? After enough years of being told that what you saw did not happen, that what you remembered was wrong, that what you felt was too much — a person begins to wonder if the ground itself is moving. That wondering and doubt is not weakness. It is the slow effect of a long, brutal storm that you have weathered. You are still here. You can trust in yourself again.

Your perception has been more accurate than you have let yourself believe. The small repeating moments that did not add up. The conversations that left you smaller than when you began them. The sense that something was off, even when no one around you could quite name it. None of that was your imagination. You were standing inside a kind of experience that does not follow the ordinary rules of logic, reason, or sanity, and you were trying — gently, faithfully — to make sense of the senseless.

That trying was not a failure. That trying was the work of a person who believed, for a long time, that reasonableness could meet any challenge head-on. You couldn't have known sooner — the knowing came when you were ready for it. First the not-knowing. Then the knowing. Then, slowly, the understanding that let you find your way back to what is real.

You can begin, today, in the smallest quiet way. Not by being certain. Not by being healed. Only by letting yourself, in one small private moment, trust what you have always known.

Today’s Truth · Day 1

I am allowed to begin trusting what I have always known.

There are 364 more mornings like this one.

For the right reader

What this book actually is.

My Harbor is a year-long daily companion — 365 short readings, one per morning, written for the long, hard season that doesn’t move toward an ending the way other seasons do.

It is not a workbook. There are no exercises, no journaling prompts, no fill-in-the-blank pages. It does not ask you to perform your healing. It does not promise you a different person on the other side.

It is also not an affirmation deck. The pages are not slogans. They are short, quiet readings — a few hundred words at a time — written in the lineage of Mark Nepo, Pema Chödrön, Mary Oliver, and Anne Lamott. The kind of book you keep on a kitchen counter or a nightstand. The kind of book a person opens at the same hour each morning for a year, and at the end finds, gently, thatsomething quiet has shifted underneath.

The book closes with a single line: Not a triumph. A Tuesday. That is what the year is for.

The year, in four seasons

One slow returning, in four movements.

Q I

The Sea That Pretended to Be Home

Days 1 — 91
You were on a sea that pretended to be home. The sea was already that sea. You were only the one learning, slowly, that the water was not a place where a person could stand.

The first 91 days are about naming, honestly and gently, what you have been living inside. Setting down the wrong measuring stick. Beginning to trust your own perception again. The horizon is empty. The light, far off, is steady, even when it is small.

Q II

The Long Middle Stretch

Days 92 — 182
Your harbor is no longer only on the horizon. The bow of your life has turned all the way toward it. You can see, now, more than the faint shape of a shore — you can see the small lights of it, the outline of it.

Days 92 to 182. The work of walking through rooms you did not choose. The slow waiting. The afternoon you cried in the parked car and then went back inside and made dinner. Most of what was built happened in places you could not see while you were building it. At Day 182 you reach the halfway place and let yourself, for the first time, look back.

Q III

Inside Your Harbor

Days 183 — 273
You are inside your harbor now. The water around you is the water you have built around yourself — slowly, faithfully, by every small kept promise.

Days 183 to 273. The inward stretch. The quiet excavation. Grief, identity, shame, anger, loneliness, the body, trust, hope, forgiveness, meaning. You met the harsh voice inside your own head and began, slowly, to choose a kinder one. You let your anger be honest. You forgave the version of you who did not yet know. The water around you is calmer now, because you built the wall.

Q IV

The Lighthouse Was You

Days 274 — 365
You discovered that the lighthouse was you. It had been you all along.

Days 274 to 365. The new shape of your days. The quiet pleasures. The small slow building of a life that is yours. At Day 365 the book closes with the morning of an ordinary Tuesday — the same kitchen, the same cup, the same window. The keeper trims the lamp each evening, whether the night is calm or stormy. That is what the keeper does. That is what you do now.

Six refusals

Six things this book will not tell you.

  1. If you’ve been told

    Time heals all wounds.

    This book says

    Time, by itself, does not heal anything. Time only passes. What you do with the time — the small, daily returning to yourself, the kind kept promise you keep again the next morning, and the next, and the next — is what slowly accumulates into a life you can live inside. The year matters not because a year is long, but because the practice of showing up across a year is what changes the shape of the floor underneath you.

  2. If you’ve been told

    Forgiveness is for you, not them.

    This book says

    You do not owe anyone your forgiveness. Not now. Not later. Not ever. You can heal fully without forgiving anyone. You can build a quieter life, find joy again, build honest relationships — while remaining clear about what was done. Healing does not require pardon. Healing requires honesty, safety, and time. The freedom of refusal is also a freedom, and this book honors it as one.

  3. If you’ve been told

    You should be over this by now.

    This book says

    The measuring stick you keep being handed — ordinary breakup, ordinary moving on, ordinary closurewas not made for what you are walking through. Some seasons do not move toward an ending on the schedule anyone around you can recognize. You are not failing at the ordinary version. You are inside something else, and recognizing that is the beginning of putting it down.

  4. If you’ve been told

    Focus on the positive. Stay in gratitude.

    This book says

    The feelings that rise in you are honest. The grief is the slow, true response to a real loss. The anger is information, gathered patiently across years, telling you that something happened that should not have happened. You do not have to apologize for them. You only have to let them be what they are, in the small private room of your own inner life, until they are ready to soften on their own.

  5. If you’ve been told

    You need to do the work.

    This book says

    The work is not loud. The work is not heroic. The work is one morning, then the next morning, then the next. The work is the small faithful returning that does not announce itself. Most of what was built happened in places you could not see while you were building it. This book is not asking you to perform. It is asking you to keep showing up, in whatever shape you can manage, and then let the day end.

  6. If you’ve been told

    You'll be a stronger person on the other side.

    This book says

    There is no version of you waiting on the other side, finished and unrecognizable. You are still the same person who opened Day 1 — only carried, now, by twelve months of small honest practice that has slowly become a different way of standing inside your own life. The change is not in the surface of you. It is in the quiet center. Not a triumph. A Tuesday.

For you, if

If you recognize yourself here, this book was written for you.

The One Who Stayed

You have spent years quietly questioning your own perception. You stayed longer than you wish you had. You wonder, in some private corner, whether you should have known sooner. You did not have the map because you were still walking the land for the first time. You are not asking to be told you are healed. You are asking for a quiet companion who already understands the season you are inside — and who is not in a hurry to move you out of it.

The One Who Left

You got out. The leaving did not feel triumphant. It felt like grief, and tiredness, and the strange quiet that arrives after a long noise. The people around you keep asking when you will start moving on, as if the leaving was the finish line. You know it was the beginning. You are not looking for the ten-step plan. You are looking for one page each morning, written by someone who knows that leaving is the first day of a long road, not the last.

The One Still Inside It

You are not out yet. The season is still happening. The paperwork is still moving. The mornings are still hard. You do not need to be told to leave, or to stay, or what to do. You need a small kept light for the days that ask more of you than seems fair. You need a book that does not require you to be anywhere other than where you actually are. This book is written for the middle of it, not only the after.

About the year

You do not have to commit to a year. You only have to open today.

The book is patient. You can skip days. You can repeat weeks. You can put it down for a month and pick it up again. You can read it out of order. Your own pace is the right pace. The year is the size of the book. The practice is the size of one morning.

A small companion to hold

Start with the first seven mornings. Free.

A small companion for the first week. Yours to keep, whether you ever read further or not.

My Harbor is a year long. A year is a lot to ask of a tired person. So we made the first week available on its own — seven short readings, one introduction page, the same crisis resources that appear in the book. Read it on a phone over coffee. Print it on a single folded sheet and keep it on a kitchen counter. If at the end of seven mornings you want the rest of the year, the book will be here. If you only ever want the seven, the seven are yours.

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Bandy Jacob Strawn
About the author

Bandy Jacob Strawn

Bandy Jacob Strawn is a father, a writer, and the founder of Clarity House Press, an independent publisher of resources for survivors of long-relational-harm. He is the author of multiple books on the slow disorientation of seasons that do not end on anyone else’s schedule, and on the small daily practices that, kept faithfully across a year, change the shape of the floor a person stands on. My Harbor is his first daily devotional. He writes from the conviction that what survivors most need is not a louder voice telling them how to recover, but a quieter one willing to walk beside them, one ordinary morning at a time.

The book
My Harbor — 365 days of becoming your own lighthouse, by Bandy Jacob Strawn (Clarity House Press). Front cover.

Pre-order My Harbor.

Hardcover and ebook. Coming October 2026.

A signed first-printing run from Clarity House Press is coming later. The first to know are subscribers to the seven-mornings list above.