I Do Not Have to Hold This Alone

Have you spent a long time being the only keeper of the difficult things? The one who noticed. The one who remembered. The one who held the secret so others did not have to. That was a heavy way to live. You did it because there was no one else. There is someone else now. Possibly several someone elses. Let them in. Let them hold what they are equipped to hold.

There is a relief in handing the heaviest things — for the night, for the hour — to someone whose job is to help you carry them. The friend who knows your story. The therapist who keeps the long arc of your healing. The professional helper whose role is the practical part of all this. These people exist for a reason. They exist so that you do not have to hold everything by yourself.

This is not a betrayal of your own strength. The strength was always real. Strength plus help is more than strength alone. You are allowed to have both.

When something difficult arrives, ask: who in my life is built to help with this kind of thing? The friend who is good at the late-night phone call. The sibling who is good at logistics. The therapist who is good at the deepest layers. The advocate who is good at the systemic pieces. Different burdens — different shoulders.

You can also write it down somewhere private, somewhere safe, somewhere that is not your own head. The page is a kind of helper too. Setting the thing onto a page can sometimes lift it off of you for the night, just enough to let you sleep.

First the solitary carrying. Then the small risk of telling one safe person. Then, slowly, the lightening that comes from being held by more than your own arms.