Holiday Grief and Joy
I hold space for both sadness about what was and gratitude for what is. Both feelings are valid simultaneously.
Have you noticed how holidays after what you have lived through are not simple? They are not purely sad. They are not purely joyful. They are both — sometimes inside a single hour. You may sit with grief in the morning and find a small, surprising lightness by afternoon. You may laugh at something and then be undone, ten minutes later, by a song.
This is normal. There is no contradiction to resolve. You are allowed to grieve what is gone and to be relieved that it is gone. You are allowed to miss certain pieces of the past and still be glad you are not in it. You are allowed to feel sad for what your children are navigating and proud of how steady you have become for them. You are allowed to feel everything at once.
Do not pressure yourself to be positive. Do not guilt yourself for feeling relief when you think you should feel sadness. Do not perform joy for anyone, and do not perform grief either. Whatever you are feeling this season is valid. All of it. Even when it makes no sense. Even when it changes hourly.
There may be moments when the grief feels close to the surface. Let it come. Tears in a quiet room are not a failure of the season. They are part of it. Let yourself cry. Let yourself rest after. Let the feeling pass through you like weather.
There may also be moments of unexpected sweetness. A song. A small face. A meal you cooked without anyone criticizing it. A morning that felt like yours. Let those moments stay too. You are allowed.
If, at any moment, the heaviness becomes more than you can carry alone, please reach out. 988, by call or text. Crisis Text Line, HOME to 741741. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233. You do not have to wait until later. You do not have to white-knuckle alone.